question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
