You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
