Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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