I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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