He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize