just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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