woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
