the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
