So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize