Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
