we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
