I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
