Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize