Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
