I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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