she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize