She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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