My balls are so social today.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
