i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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