so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
