and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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