Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize