Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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