she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk is a universal language darling
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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