I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
