You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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