imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
