and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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