i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
