I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
