yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
