I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
