Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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