I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
