Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
