I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
