why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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