So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize