Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
