i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
