I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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