Where did you get a picture of my penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
