at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
