So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
