my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
