I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
