Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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