Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
