I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
