THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
false alarm, still single
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
