I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
