i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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