I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
