Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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