I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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