He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
