Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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