You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was born a porn star she said
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
