Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
