I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
