I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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