I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
