hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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