He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
