it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
