I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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