If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
