I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Come on in and take your pants off
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