How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
