we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
