Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
