I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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