I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
