Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
