Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
